Wild Horses In Comer, Alabama

The saga in Comer continues.... Spring and I had just left the Day and Night Grocery and returned to the Springhill Plantation House to start a bridal shoot. Spring found Phil, the groundskeeper, and asked permission to shoot photos inside the pasture that contained about five horses. At the time, they were grazing - far far away. Phil gave his permission, but I could tell something was a little fishy. I chalked it up to Spring weird ideas about wedding pictures. It is strange to take wedding photos in a horse pasture, right? Spring does those kind of crazy things, though. However, in the end, her pictures look like a Ralph Lauren ad - Alabama style!

The bride-to-be came out in her beautiful gown, ready to take pictures. I was the poorly-paid help. My job was to fix the girl's dress and train, as well as hold the white sheet that Spring uses to put on the ground when she is ready for the bride to sit down in the middle of a ragweed bed for a picture.

The deal was this: Spring got to stand in the yard, clear of the horses and the pasture. The bride and I were to enter the pasture through the gate and prepare for pictures. No problem, right??

I am not particularly comfortable with large animals, but i am not scared of them, either...I didn't think??

Mallory, bride of the hour, stood with her back to the horses. I fixed her train and her dress and backed away, facing her. Spring was taking pictures like mad. Those horses that had been far, far away were now running toward us full speed ahead....crazed maniacs. Phil's reaction to picture-taking in the pasture was becoming much more clear! This fiasco happened within seconds, but it felt like hours. Mallory could not see what was happening...she was standing there: calm, poised, smiling for the camera. I was facing toward her, eye-to-eye with a herd of wild horses! They were not slowing down! I had to think fast: what to do...what to do???

I was holding a sheet. I could swat it at them and maybe that would keep them away from me. That is what I would do: swat my flimsy little white sheet at the wild horses running toward us. I am sure that my eyes grew bigger and bigger and the distance between me and these large beasts grew smaller and smaller. I couldn't stand it any more. I fanned out the sheet and nervously tried to shew them away. Despite my best effort to look calm and in control, I looked more like a first time bull fighter in Pamplona, Spain. Only my cape was white instead of red.

Spring yelled, "NO!!!"

I had no idea that this attempt to ward off unwanted beasts would create such a stir. Those suckers did stop dead in their tracks less than six feet from me and the bride. Mission Accomplished! However, they stopped just long enough to rare up on their hind legs....looked like Tonto with Zorro on his back before racing off to catch the bad guys!

I 'bout wet my pants! Mallory still stood, smiling for the camera. Her safety did briefly cross my mind, but my own desire to escape the madness far surpassed any desire to help her get out of that pasture alive. The only thing that separated me from safety was a small wooden fence. The fence posts were positioned about eight feet apart, and the two rails were pieces of 2 X 6 that had been nailed to each post. The bottom rail laid about two and a half feet from the ground. Bless Mallory's heart in her pretty white dress....she would have to fend for herself. I was diving under that fence!

Few have ever witnessed me move with such speed. When I finally decided that I had to go, I took off like a bolt of lightning! I slid underneath that two and a half foot opening in one fluid motion.....almost! Only one problem with that plan. An live electric wire ran along the bottom of the wood railing, and my fat ass was too big to clear the space without scrapping across the bottom. That juice hit me and knocked me face down in the dirt. I mean face down! I hardly even felt it...had to keep moving....must escape the beasts. I did the GI JOE crawl, using my elbows to pull myself to safety. I couldn't feel the bottom half of my body at the time.

The most unbelievable part of the story...Spring has these magnificient pictures of a bride in a pasture with horses reared up on their hind legs behind her. Ain't nobody got wedding pictures like that! And just think....it was all because of me.....too bad Spring can't actually use those pictures because Mallory has her mouth wide open, holding her ribs, laughing at me! How many times does your photography assistant bite the dust because of the electric fence during a wedding shoot?

Comer was an interesting little town. I met lots of cool folks. I have a burn mark on my left butt cheek, but its a memory, right??